Self-centeredness

Last night my husband asked to see my son's gold dollar that his Poppy had given him.  My son did not want to give it to my husband to look at.  He held on to it so tightly.  My husband asked my son if he thought he was going to keep it and then ended with, "I don't need your dollar."  I am amazed that my son would hold so tightly to that one little dollar when all we as parents do is give, give and give more to our children.  We give our time, resources, assurance, love--really, where does the list end when it comes to the love a parent has for a child?  I wondered to myself where this lack of trust or self-centeredness comes from after such a track record of nothing but giving.  My answer came this morning while reading the book of Malachi.  We have a sinful heart.  The book of Malachi starts out with the Lord telling Israel "I have loved you."  Israel's reply blew me away.  Israel asks the Lord, "How have you loved us?"  Really, Israel?  Did you not live through the Exodus, the triumphant battles?  Were not stones erected in remembrance for all the things the Lord did for you throughout history?  How could this great nation just ignore everything that has been given to them and done for them?  Then, I have to turn to my own heart.  I am just like the Israelites.  God provides my every need--physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually--His faithfulness is constant, and yet, when my world is sideways, I ask, "where are you, God?"  As if He has been faithful in every moment of my life and has abandoned me at the one moment I am calling out to Him.  So, where does my son get his selfish heart?  Well, he has a living example of it  every day.  Lord, help us to live in your presence and constant awareness of Your faithfulness to us.

Satisfied?

In reading Brother Lawrence's The Practice of the Presence of God, I came across an interesting thought.  He says, "Why should we be satisfied with a brief moment of worship?  With such meager devotion, we restrain the flow of God's abundant grace.  If God can find a soul filled with a lively faith, He pours His grace into it in a torrent that, having found an open channel, gushes out exuberantly."  The question I pose to myself today is am I satisfied with a brief moment of worship and do I have such meager devotion?  Am I just a worshiper on Sunday mornings as I join with my fellow believers or am I worshipping while I am writing algebraic equations on my white board?  While I am writing lesson plans?  Conversing with my children?  Fixing a meal for my husband?  Oh, Lord, please increase my devotion to you that my soul will never be satisfied with a brief moment of worship, but that I will long to be in your presence every second of every moment with such devotion that You may pour your grace upon me--exuberantly.

The book that God keeps

The other day, my son came home and told me that his teacher was keeping a journal.  My first thought was, "that's great, son."  I figured there must be some significance to this journal since my 10-year old boy was having a conversation with me about a journal and not when the next NFL or NBA game was to be played.  So, I asked the next logical question, "What kind of journal?"  My son told me that the journal was for his teacher to write everything down that each student does wrong each day.  My heart sank.  All I could think about was how thankful I am that God doesn't keep a book like that.  Psalm 103:12 "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us."  Thank you, Lord, that the only book you are keeping is the one sealed for redemption!

Obedience

Do you ever get tired of doing the right thing?  I do.  Sometimes I just have the fleshly thoughts that I wish someone would "get theirs."  I quit playing judge and jury about 13 years ago out of sheer fatigue.  I realized that God was much better at that than I was, and I wasn't fulfilling my role as a believer to love God and love people.  But still, there are times in my life, past and present, that I did the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing.  I realize this is the lowest level of motivation for obedience; nonetheless, it can produce good results and stave off regret.  For instance, my job requires me to have morning duties.  I hate morning duties.  It messes up my morning, I don't feel prepared for my students when they arrive and I feel some of the duties are unnecessary.  But I do them.  And I smile (or try to).  This is definitely the lowest level of obedience for me.  It is simply a requirement set out by my administration, so I do it.  It also has benefits.  I do not get written up on my job.  I am seen as a dependable employee.  I am doing the right thing.  There are lots of times when I obey simply for the sake of obedience or for avoiding a non-favorable consequence.  However, as we grow, we must ramp up the motivation for obedience.  Forsaking the spiritual milk and get some meat on our plates.   In contrast to obeying for the sake of obeying, is obeying out of love.  Love is the highest form of motivation for obedience.  When we obey out of love, the focus is off of ourselves and put on the other person whom we are obeying.  It becomes selfless.   Philippians 2:8 "And after He had appeared in human form, He abased and humbled Himself and carried His obedience to the extreme of death, even the death of the cross!"  I love how the Amplified Bible put the exclamation point there.  It's like the, "Wow, can you believe THAT?"  So I guess the challenge for me is to keep that obedience at a selfless level with Christ, once again, as our perfect example, and the Holy Spirit empowering us, we can live this love-motivated, selfless life.

Church Hopping

December 20, 2011

Church Hopping

Not a good word in my vocabulary.  I never wanted myself or my family to be known as church hoppers.  Having grown up moving every 2 years, I wanted stability for my family.  I wanted my children to grow up in the same house their whole life and for them to graduate with their kindergarten friends.  This idea of “stability” also spilled over into my spiritual life--I wanted a church, a pew that was known as ours.  I wanted to be buried in the church grave yard because we had been long-standing members.  But the spiritual journey is not a straight road.  It is much more like a roller coaster with slow climbs and sharp turns.  As we embarked on this part of our spiritual journey, God taught us many things about church along the way.  Sometimes pain was the tool used to teach us.  Sometimes heartbreak, anger, disgust, longing, wondering, frustration, reflection.  And at the end of each one of these lessons?  Crying.  Were we looking for something that did not exist?  Where was the Acts 2 church?  Why was everyone too busy to fellowship?  And where was the sense of belonging?  Were we the only ones longing for this?  What had happened to spiritual leadership?  My husband and I would grapple with these questions and without any answers, embark on the journey again.  It was like picking up a spy glass and looking out over the ocean and discovering land and becoming so excited--only to realize it was a mirage.  Some spyglasses were more like kaleidoscopes with beautiful patterns and exciting designs that were pleasant for a while with entertainment and thematic messages but lacked depth for the soul.  We battled discouragement and disillusionment. We were at a crossroads again.  Where to go?  Where to turn?  Where to begin. . .again.  We longed for community.  We longed for depth.  We longed for leadership in our church.  Strapped in, we began the climb.  You know, the dreaded climb to the top of the roller coaster.  The anticipation, the heart throbs, the stomach in your throat--the same feelings of entering a new church for the first time--not knowing when we reached the top whether we were in for the ride of our lives or just the dreaded drop.  So, here we are.  God is good all the time.  I don’t know why our journey has been what it has.  I just know that perseverance pays off.  There are believers who want community, depth and believe in leadership.  They were right under our nose all along.  Maybe we weren’t ready for them until now.  God has had His chisel out chipping away all the external “stuff” that we call church.  He has left us experiencing, in the raw, daily living in Him with fellow believers who aren’t afraid to say, “I’m just a sinner saved by grace.  Let’s walk this journey together.  Let’s cry, laugh and love together.  Let’s know God deeper and challenge each other in His Word.  Let’s belong.”  I pray that you will not give up on the journey to community.  Somewhere, out there, God’s people are longing for YOU saying, “Come sit in my pew.  Let’s do life together.”